How To Stop Getting Triggered In Your Relationship

Feeling triggered in your relationship does not mean you are broken, and it does not mean you are with the wrong person. A trigger is simply an emotional reaction that comes from an unhealed part of you — a younger part that learned a belief, created a story, or adapted for safety.

When your partner makes a comment or takes an action that touches that wound, your body reacts before your brain can process what is happening. Most people try to avoid or control their triggers, but this only makes the reaction stronger. True change happens when you pause, breathe, and allow yourself to actually feel the sensation instead of shutting it down.

From there, you can ask the deeper questions:
“What is this revealing about what I haven’t accepted in myself yet?”
“What am I afraid would happen if I let go of this reaction?”
“What freedom becomes possible if I see this trigger as a teacher?”

This shift turns your trigger into a doorway to healing — and it brings more safety, connection, and freedom into your relationship.

In Episode 14 of the Save My Marriage Podcast, Aston and Adam share how triggers once ran their relationship — and how learning to feel, understand, and heal them transformed everything. They explain why triggers form, why avoiding them makes things worse, and why your partner is never the true cause of your reaction. This episode gives couples a powerful framework for transforming emotional reactions into connection and growth.

1. A Trigger Is Not the Problem — Avoiding It Is

A trigger is simply a sensation in your body connected to an old story or wound.
Practice: When triggered, breathe and welcome the feeling instead of shutting it down.
Pull Quote: “Your trigger is not here to punish you — it is here to free you.”

2. Your Partner Is Not the Trigger

Your partner activates what is already inside you. The discomfort is yours, not theirs.
Script: “I feel triggered right now. I’m going to breathe and sit with what this is bringing up.”
Mini Story: Adam shares how criticism triggered old childhood patterns of “not enough.”

3. Feeling the Trigger Sets You Free

When you stop avoiding the discomfort and actually let yourself feel it, you begin healing the part of you that has been holding on.
Checklist:

Notice where the trigger lives in your body
Breathe into it rather than resisting
Stay with it until the intensity softens
Pull Quote: “You can’t open the gift if you refuse to touch the wrapping.”

4. The Three Questions That Transform Every Trigger

Aston and Adam teach the exact three questions they use with clients:

What is this trigger revealing about what I haven’t accepted in myself yet?
What am I afraid would happen if I let go of this trigger?
What freedom becomes possible if I see this trigger as a teacher, not a threat?

These questions rewire your emotional patterns and create deep internal freedom.

5. The Moment Everything Shifted

When Adam stopped blaming and started feeling his triggers, he no longer needed Aston to change. When Aston stopped avoiding feeling unsupported and started accepting her needs, she softened — and their entire dynamic transformed.

Triggers became treasure instead of danger.

Worksheet: From Trigger to Treasure

Think of a moment you felt triggered
Notice where you feel it in your body
Write the story your mind is telling
Answer the three core questions
Identify the lesson or gift inside the trigger
Share the insight with your partner

FAQ

Why do I get triggered so easily?
Because your nervous system is responding to old wounds, not the current moment.

Can triggers really be healed?
Yes — when you feel them instead of avoiding them.

What if my partner is constantly triggering me?
They are showing you where you are not free yet.

What if I react before I can think?
Pause, name the trigger, breathe, and create space before speaking.

What if my partner does not want to work on this?
Healing your triggers still gives you freedom.

Resources and Next Steps

Take the Happy Couple Blueprint – your free 5-minute relationship assessment
Join Save My Marriage School™ – rebuild trust, communication, and connection with our proven framework
Attend a Recreate Your Relationship Retreat – experience polarity and reconnection in person

About Aston & Adam

Aston and Adam Simmonds are the founders of Save My Marriage School Pty Ltd, helping more than 2,700 couples rebuild trust, communication, and intimacy. Featured in MamaMia, Kidspot, the New York Post, and Medium, they believe every couple can rise together — in love, family, and life.

Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counselling or therapy.